"Joy in affliction is rooted in the hope of resurrection, but our experience of suffering also deepens the root of that hope.
~ John Piper
~ John Piper
The only way I can describe this emotional week to you is a dance of grief and Joy. Sometimes I wanted off the dance floor completely because it hurt too much, and on the other days I didn't want to get off.
The dance of grief :
Our family has gone through another tragedy and the sudden loss of a much anticipated niece. My sister in-law went into labor Sunday night and when she got to the hospital there was no heartbeat the baby had already passed into Jesus's arms. When we got the call that night I just sat on the couch shaking in shock from the news I just heard. I cried out NO God not again in our family! This can't be happening. What good is this going to do? I was upset and wanted to scream!!! Instead I turned to God in prayer asking him to bring healing to our family, and peace and comfort to my sister and brother in-law. We have never been on this side of the fence where we are expecting and someone else loses their child. I hate this feeling of helplessness. I want to fix what happened and put band-aids on all my sisters hurts and pains, but all I can do is offer my hand to walk this tough road, and pray for them.
The dance of JOY :
We have been waiting and anticipating our ultrasound that following day. I had no idea what to think. I had mixed emotions when I woke up that morning, feeling heavy hearted for my sister, and also excited to finally see our little miracle. We were hopefully going to find out if we were adding pink or blue to the house.
A wise friend called me that morning telling me she was praying for us and the family, but reminding me that satan comes to hurt, lie, and steal. She told me do not let him steal your joy today! God is a God of life and this little one along with Grace and Kaden have the best gift of all eternal life, and someday we to will join them in glory. I needed to hear what she had to share. I had feelings of guilt that I had to humbling lay at the cross, because I can't change anything or have to carry that burden. Jesus did that on the cross! The only thing I had control of was how I wanted to live my day that day. I could choose the dance of grief or Joy.
Lucas my 4 year old precious boy who has seen baby bumps and no baby at the end asked me Why did Jesus take the baby home? I prayed for the words to come and replied God calls us home when were young, or when we are old. We don't know when it will be our time to go, but bottom line He wants us to come home and live with Him. It is is ultimate goal in life to have us live with him in heaven. He answered ok Mom so she is with Grace, Kaden, and great grandpa? Yes I replied. Then she is happy and has no pain. I cried and hugged him. It took the faith of a child to open my eyes to see how simple it really is. We are only here for a short time, and life can be done on earth with a blink of an eye.
Steve came home later that afternoon to take us to the ultrasound, and I told him that I choose Joy! We started off to the appointment and to the "dark room" as Lucas called it. I layed on the table in anticipation. Was everyone going to be right? Would it be a girl? How would having a girl affect our family? The tech put the jelly on my belly and right away pops up a beautiful profile of a growing miracle. I had tears right away, and was praising God for our little one. The tech had it in position where you could tell what the child was, and asked if we wanted to guess. I said it looks like a girl, and she said YES it is a girl!!!!! I cried tears of joy for it has always been my hearts desire to have a baby girl, and for you that know me I am as girly as they come. lol All we wanted was a healthy child and were told that she is perfect. Sweet pea didn't stop showing off. She flashed us a peace sign, and even stuck her toe in her nose. Yoga baby already ;)
We are praising God for this child and for answering Lucas's prayer of wanting a sister. NOTHING is impossible with God!!!
It's a Girl!!!! Toe in the nose
Thank you for your prayers for Steve, Lucas, sweet pea, and I. Also thank you for keeping my family in your prayers as we grieve this life cut short. Please pray for strength, healing, comfort, and peace for our sister and brother. I am sure I will continue this dance of grief and Joy, but will try to lean on God's understanding and not my own!